To start off, confessions 001

I grew up a very happy, loving and calm childhood in my small family. Mum, Dad and sister. I also have a brother who would come in and out mostly, I know he has always had his own personal struggles. My Mum and Dad have always had a solid marriage. I can oddly say I can’t recall ever hearing my mum and dad argue as a child. To me they have alwats lead an ideal relationship. My Dad is like our King, without him I just don’t know what we’d do. He is the most gentle yet powerful, kind and generous but strong minded and clever, gives the best advice during the hardest of times and has always been there for all of us. As a child I always stayed in his bed, I found it to be the most comforting and I never wanted to stay away from home. In fact, I never did really.

To sum it up, I was a kid in a fairy tale bubble. I only knew kindness, love and loyalty. I’ve always been soft and very empathetic. Sitting here now writing this I know that most of the reason I haven’t coped well with my life struggles is because of those personality traits. Me and my family moved from Sutton when I was about 4 to a new area with a completely new vibe, a town in between the city and the seaside. I eventually enrolled in three different primary schools before finally moving up to Senior School (The first two didn’t work out). I experienced some harsh bullying at these schools mainly your average name calling “fat” “ugly”. I never used to understand why these kids would be so mean but it sure did take affect. . It would totally confuse me and in the end I didn’t want to go into school at all.

Once I had got myself into Senior school I found my feet and made myself some friends, although I always saw how painfully mean people were to each other and I learnt to put on a confident front. I went to parties and hosted many, I made a lot of friends from those days. However deep down I was battling insecurities and I know mostly that came from the name calling; see my mum and elder sister are both very beautiful and have always been slim. I was often teased for looking like the “milkman’s daughter” as I guess I was a little chubbier. I’ll never forget not only kids but their parents too! One of my friends mum expressed that I should be tested for male hormones, I must’ve been 13 at the time. A sore confession of mine is that I wore a tight corset during school hours and weekends for years in total fear anyone would point out my stomach, you know how teens are I remember seeing people purposely pulling down a victims trousers or pulling up their tops to show everyone. Kids can be totally CRUEL – and i was not prepared for that. I do look back and feel sad for my younger self that I felt the need to do that, I think already at such a young age people were installing into my head negatives about my body image.

If theres anything I have learnt from those experiences is that you should be careful how you speak about body image in front of children and too children. Teach our children to be mindful with what they say that every one has feelings, and that nobody is the same we are all perfectly different! I have so much more to share, thank you for reading.

Being Billie

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